Parents, Let Us Not Fail Our Children

Parents, Let Us Not Fail Our Children!
(Gear up, it’s Exam Time!)

 Dear Parents,

                                                                                                                                            

Your children are about to write their exams. The kind of anxieties and fear the exams generate these days is unparalleled. While everybody else, the peer group, neighbours, uncles and aunts, teachers, schools, newspapers, T. V. channels judge the children only through their marks, you definitely must not do the same.

I believe you understand that each child is unique and no one understands your child better than you do. In order to give her/his best, your child needs your support. Here is how you can support your child.

1.      Stop Constant Nagging:

Most of the parents believe that it is their duty to keep reminding their child about her/his responsibility. It actually is not. If you had been able to get an effective routine set for your child, believe me your child needs no reminders during exams. Treat your child the way you love to be treated. Do you love being reminded every five minutes that you have to go to office, go grocery shopping or cook dinner? Your constant reminders become counterproductive and generate a feeling of low self esteem and never put the child on the auto mode.

2.      Be Available:

Your physical presence in the house works like a magic. It generates a feeling of emotional security. Children usually go through a lot of stress, anxieties and fears while preparing for exams. With at least one of the parents available in the evening after the child is back from school makes a tremendous difference to your child’s mental wellbeing. Your child gets the feeling that in her or his challenging times (remember the exam times are one of the most challenging times at least for children because everybody is judging them) the parents were there.

3.      Create A Conducive Environment:

Not only be available at home, keep away from all distractions too. How can you expect a young girl or boy to keep away from screens when you yourself are over indulgent in mobiles, TV and outings? This is the time to put a hold on your own socialisation, favourite TV shows or social media. Doing this you send a message to your child that exams are important events and need to be taken seriously (see, in the long run no exams other than those of life are important). A word of caution though- a cup of tea with a neighbour in the evening or a grocery shopping trip won’t harm your child’s preparation. The idea is to create a balanced and happy environment at home. No hype over exams and no casual attitude.

4.      Use The Positive Words and Language, No Comparison :

Though this is an all time essential to be positive while dealing with children, it becomes all the more important during exams. Remember your statements like,

“You won’t get admission in a good college if you don’t score well.” ,

“I am sure, you are not going to score well with just two or three hours of study everyday.” or

“Your friends are all scoring better than you, you are good for nothing.”  create a feeling of anxiety and fear in the mind of your child.

Your aim as parent must be to ensure that your child is doing her/ his best. Your child’s everyday target must be to enhance her/ his performance with each preparatory hour. Even if your child’s score is showing no upward trend in one particular subject, remember she/he is good at some other subject and skill.

5.      Monitor Your Child’s Progress and Discuss the Strategy to Attempt Exams:

Just don’t be available at home, spend quality time with your child. During breaks, discuss what all is done, what is a cause of concern. Track the output. Motivate her/him to attempt mock tests, previous years’ question papers. After mock tests, help identifying the areas of concern and how to build on them. Go through my blog Mantras To Score Well https://growinupwithlife.blogspot.com/2020/02/mantras-to-score-well.html and help your child strategize her/his exam. Remember, while strategizing if your child is able to handle the issues independently, let her/him do. Our job as parents is to just initiate the process. Believe me, your child is smarter than you think.

6.      Help Your Child to Play on Strengths:

Remember, no one is perfect. No child knows correct answers to all concepts of all subjects. As parent help your child to focus on this fact. Identifying the areas of improvement and working on them is important but equally important is to practice the concepts that we have mastered to score well. So while preparing for exams, only a pre decided amount of time must be spent on weaker areas. For instance, assume your child is very clear and thorough with 9 concepts out of total 10 for one specific subject and the weightage of that unprepared concept in exams is 5%. Ideally the focus must be on securing those 95% completely through regular practice and making up for remaining 5% through building upon the concept by practicing everyday for say half an hour or maximum an hour. Remaining time of daily study must be spent on consolidating what is already prepared.

7.      Respond Maturely After each Exam:

The time right after one exam is very crucial to set the tone for the next exam. Your child needs someone to listen to her/his feelings, apprehensions, fears and anxieties immediately after the exam. Listen patiently, don’t jump to conclusions as to her/ his score with statements like, “I told you so, you just don’t listen to me”, “We had discussed the things yesterday only.” Just listen and apparently if the exam has not gone on the expected lines, try to get the child’s attention focused on the next one. Your child needs a pat even if the exam has gone well because the tempo must be maintained for the next one too.

8.      Be Aware of Warning Signs:

Remember despite your best efforts and support, you don’t know how your child is taking the things. So be alert. Any signs of deviations from normal like a disturbed eating or  sleeping pattern, too much on texts or calls or statements like, “I am good for nothing.”, “I have ruined my career.” or  “All my friends are going to get good college.” are actually signs of distress. Intervene and talk out the issue. Let your child know that you are with her/him whatever be the result and this all is just an exam, a part of life not the life itself.

9.      Prepare Food of Your Child’s Choice:

Believe me or not, getting to eat the food of your choice is gratifying. The mind and brain create happy feelings and happy feelings help you to do better. See, when I say the  food of choice I don’t mean  unhealthy or junk food. All I want to highlight is that you as parents are definitely aware of your child’s choices. Out of all her/his choices, serve the healthy ones because too much of carbohydrates and sugar induce sleep also.

10.    Help Your Child To Maintain A Healthy Routine:

To get the best performance of your child, you must help her/him to maintain a healthy routine. A good performance is not just a factor of knowing your concepts well. It is an outcome of fresh and active mind, a well rested body and adequately fed belly too. Just imagine your child knew her/his concepts well, had practised enough but was not alert on the day of exam due to tired mind so could not perform the best. So see to it that your child takes at least 7-8 hours of sleep at a stretch everyday in order to allow mind and body the much needed rest and rejuvenation.

11.   Keep Yourself Calm:

Finally you must practice keeping your mind calm through whatever works for you- yoga, meditation, exercise or chanting of mantras. Remember your state of mind is the most important factor for your child to perform well. Very often we negate this fact but believe me, your mind is energy in motion which definitely impacts the other energy in motion that is your child’s mind.

So relax dear parents, play your role to the best of your capacity and let your child play hers/his. Remember this is just an exam, a milestone that your child is about to cross holding your hand. Even if your child fails the exam , you must not fail your child.

Just follow the tips and enjoy watching your child doing her/his best.

ALL THE VERY BEST!!!

With Regards

Anju Arora